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June 26, 2003 - 316 lbs..... :P
Alcohol units today - 0 (but thinking about it)
Today I decided I wanted to start a webpage to track my progress.
I haven't had the surgery yet, July 16th, but I have been very nervous lately. I've had some of the testing done:
the barium swallow (tastes like chalk), and the gastric empty (mmm...eggs). I still have to get a Manometry done, which
sounds extemely painful, sticking a tube down your nose and esophagus is not my idea of fun, and blood work, but I can't get
it done until at the earliest next week. I got confused this week about a couple of minor misunderstandings
between me, my school nurse here in MO, and the many nurses at MIBSC. I'm still not really sure that I have to get the
manometry, but I guess I will get it anyway. I sent a message to the Bansters Chicago yahoo group...only got one response,
but that's cool. Sometimes I think those people just ignore me, but oh well. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BandstersChicago
Anyway....Amber cleaned today! She didn't do very much...but
I had to take note of that....it doesn't happen often!
Weight: 292.5 (down almost 24 lbs.)
Alcohol Units - None (trying to quit)
Why is it that people get depressed? How could I be so depressed right
now when everything seems to be working out. Maybe I wish things were better than they are...4.0 gpa...done with school...good
paying job...great boyfriend...maybe even a husband and kids....nice house (no bugs :P)...no worries. But that's not
how it is, quite to the contrary unfortunatly. Bad grades, never gonna finish school, sucky job (even though I could
do homework if I could focus), no boyfriend, not even a hopeful, roach motel of an apartment, annoying roommate, etc. etc.
And my weight....I was hoping to have lost so much more. I know why I'm not though, just like with everything else that
is wrong in my life, I'm slacking. Sometimes I wish I could just kick myself in the butt and make myself snap out of
this....but for some reason I can't. I know I will eventually get over this, but I want it to happen now! I'm
tired of this! I don't know what else to do right now but pray.
Sorry for this bleak update, but I just need some prayer.
~Jess
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